In October, our elementary school students will be learning about Conflict Resolution. Conflict is a fact of life. Although many people think only of its negative or unfortunate results, some conflict is actually necessary and useful. Whether or not the conflict becomes negative or useful could depend on how the conflict is handled.

Children, like adults, face many conflicts in their lives. Maybe someone says something that hurts his/her feelings, a best friend suddenly distances himself/herself, or the child feels left out of a social situation. Children also encounter conflicts outside of school, sometimes involving siblings. As they grow older, they may have a challenging time dealing with difficult moral decisions.

Children learn how to manage conflict in the same way they learn to do many other things by watching what goes on around them. They learn from the adults in their lives, from other children, and from television, movies, and other media. During our lessons, we will introduce the definition of conflict, outline the different types of conflict, and provide students with education and strategies on how to resolve conflict in their daily lives.

How can we all help them learn the best strategies?

Here are some tips:

Try to give your child some special time each day. This may be really tough in today's busy world, but experts tell us that 20 minutes of positive adult attention per day dramatically reduces children's aggressive behavior.
Help your child figure out the source of their problem. Sometimes kids, especially younger ones, don’t have the emotional awareness to identify the original source of the conflict. Helping kids get to the root of the issue will make it easier for them to resolve what’s actually wrong. It will also give them tools to identify and talk about similar problems when they come up again in the future.
Collaborate with your child to brainstorm Solutions. Once kids understand what the issue is, you can help them practice finding peaceful solutions.
Instill in your child effective communication skills. Use “I-Statements” to name feelings. Saying something like “I feel disappointed when you lie to me” is more effective than saying “you cannot be trusted because you lie.”
Teach your child to ask for attention constructively. Sometimes the purpose of a fight with a brother or sister is to get attention. Encourage your child to ask for attention by expressing their needs. Catch your child doing something right. Praise your child for doing well! Studies have shown that praise has a tremendously positive effect on a child’s behavior.
Teach your child to recognize the feelings of others. You can point out when someone is happy, sad, scared, worried, and so on. When children learn to recognize what someone else is feeling, they are better able to respond appropriately.
Listen first, then help your child negotiate a solution. Acknowledge your child's feelings about a conflict before helping to work out a solution.
Use positive methods to discipline your child. Avoid yelling at him or her or using physical punishment. Studies have shown that just like praise, negative behavior is more likely to improve if discipline is delivered in a supportive way.

Reference:

Garey, Juliann. Teaching Kids to Deal with Conflict. Child Mind Institute.https://childmind.org/article/teaching-kids-how-to-deal-with-conflict/

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